Taking back more control

It is a beautiful morning, but a deathly pall has descended upon the domestic environment. The wife, shrouded in black, is moving from room to room in a state of shock and disbelief. The curtains are drawn shut and the sound of a passing train in the distance invades the silence like the distant cry of a wildebeest as it succumbs to the Masai huntsman on the plains of the Serengeti. Lily, (the dog who must be adored), lies motionless on the step, halfway up the stairs, her usual sanctuary when she is in the throes of depression. I stand poised, smelling salts and brandy in hand, lest the sadness proves too much for the consciousness.
“So, what has happened?”, I hear you ask, your head tilting to one side in an evident expression of empathy. I have no doubt that you ask the question with genuine concern. Perhaps you suspect that there has been a death in the family. Well, in a sense, you are right. For the source of such deep sadness in the household can be summed up in one word – “Eurovision” and the death, is the result for the United kingdom’s entry upon which a nation’s hopes of victory rested.
The wife, who strives hard to contain her Euro-fever every year is struggling to come to terms with the fact that the United kingdom’s entry scored the dreaded “Null points” in last night’s Eurovision song contest. “What on earth is wrong with the world? Why do they hate us so?”, I hear her muttering to herself as she reviews last night’s result on her iPad for the umpteenth time.
I hear rumor that there is an emergency meeting of the cabinet this morning to discuss the results. Chaired by the Prime Minster himself, I am reliably informed that the only item on the agenda is a new campaign called “EuroVexit”, whereby we will hold a referendum to take back control of the song contest. Next year, entries will be restricted to England and Wales. Scotland can submit an entry on condition it gives up all claims to independence and Northern Ireland will be allowed to submit proposals but only if they comply with European standards.
From now on, it will be known as “The British Song Context”, and anyone who utters the prefix “Euro”, in any context, will be jailed without trial, or worse still, exiled to the Falkland Islands.
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WE ARE TAKING BACK MORE CONTROL……APPARENTLY!